We may just not be cut out to be supervillains, folks, because never in a million years could we have come up with a plot as blood-curdling and bizarre as the one that The Young and the Restless’ Ian Ward and Crazy Aunt Jordan™ have hatched.

In the November 19 episode of the daytime drama (recapped here), Ian revealed that he had aimed the weapon that is Jordan at Sharon and framed her for Heather’s murder in hopes of distancing her from her loved ones. Why, exactly, remained unclear. You would think that even someone as soulless as Ian would be satisfied that he’d done her enough harm when he had Mariah stolen away as a newborn. (Sharon wouldn’t even learn that Cassie had a twin until decades later.)

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But wait, it gets weirder. Apparently, Ian and Jordan are pulling a Strangers On a Train bit that involves each of them doing the other’s dirty work. If Claire’s aunt commits Ian’s dirty deeds for him, then he will theoretically do hers. And thus far, despite the fact that Sharon has confessed to Heather’s murder, he is dissatisfied with Jordan’s handiwork. (Wouldn’t you love to see her performance review?)

That being the case, Ian is refusing to help Jordan with her “family problem”… for now. But considering that there’s been no amount of hell that she couldn’t raise with just the aid of a costume and some stripper music, we can’t for the life of us figure out what she needs him for.