‘Suddenly Amish’ Mentor James Is TV’s Best Villain: Breaking Down His Wildest Moments, From Chasing a Contestant With an Ax to Cuddling His Cousin

Courtesy of TLC

TLC’s newest show about an insular religious community, “Suddenly Amish,” has almost wrapped its eight-episode first season, and despite the conservative reputation of the religious sect, it stars a churchgoing diva named James who delivers more drama than a whole season of “Real Housewives.” Below, I attempt to explain why this reality series — and James — have me riveted.

OK, what is this crazy show?

The premise of the reality series is that six English (Amish slang for “non-Amish people”) head to an Amish community in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, because they want to consider joining the lifestyle for…reasons? It’s all very unclear, but each one of them seems to have done a laughably poor job at even the most basic research, which would tell them the lifestyle is incompatible with their personalities.

To wit: Judah is bisexual, but that isn’t OK in Amish communities; Aaron’s hearing aids are bluetooth enabled by his cell phone, but cell phones aren’t allowed; Esme feels uncomfortable without makeup and fake nails, which aren’t a part of Amish life; Matt is divorced, which is forbidden; Kendra wears clothes with cleavage, which is a no-no; and Billie Jo says she’s an Amish fangirl, but also packed a sex toy in her luggage, which, wouldn’t you know, is not allowed in Amish culture.

Despite these extremely bumpy starts, Bishop Vernon, the patriarch of the community, is worried about the shrinking Amish population, so he wants to invite these people (and cameras) in to see that their way of life is calm and honest in an increasingly complex world.

Meet James (and his straw hat)

Amazingly, Vernon tasks James to be a leader for these curious English, and the journey is set to be his own redemption tale. Before the show, James was shunned from the community for cell phone use, so he’s working on proving that he’s godly enough to be seen as a positive influence and get back in good graces.

Seems simple, right? Brace yourself, because it quickly becomes clear that James is vindictive, conniving and stuck in a love triangle between one of the English and his third cousin.

James starts to unravel quickly, as it’s clear he has eyes for Kendra, a former dancer whose body he sees dressed immodestly one too many times. While her outfits are par for the course for an L.A.-based content creator, she inadvertently hypnotizes James, who takes special care in overseeing her journey and advocating for her.

James grabs an ax

Unfortunately for him, Matt quickly starts flirting more overtly with Kendra, which James clocks. During a group dinner in Episode 2, Matt mentions that he is divorced, which James notes is forbidden in the community, and he has to leave immediately. (“I’m not going to let them bring any evil in here … They could cause enough disharmony to the point that it topples the church,” James said, with a smirk, while discussing it in a testimonial.)

From there, James grabs an ax and, swinging it absentmindedly in his left hand, escorts his romantic rival off the property. It’s the kind of moment that likely made producers cheer, as well as pray that no one would get murdered with an ax during their shoot.

Once James returns to the dinner, Judah has the most sober analysis of the situation, saying in another testimonial: “James is crazy. James is a psycho.” Allen, a kind, older mentor in the community, agreed that James’ behavior wasn’t called for. “James driving Matt off … he should not have the ax in his hand. That gives Matt a very nasty picture of the Amish way of life.”

Twerking at the Rumspringa tailgate

Matt’s departure upsets Kendra, which James leverages by allowing her to use her hidden cell phone to call her mother. At this point, the English, Allen and James’ live-in third cousin Emma start regularly discussing his crush on Kendra.

It doesn’t take much longer for secrets to start spilling out from under James’ straw hat, as Matt returns to the community at the end of Episode 4 in order to see Kendra again. Things come to a head at a Rumspringa tailgate party, where young Amish people leave the community and temporarily live English in order to confirm they want to stay religious.

James drinks to excess and shows too much interest in Kendra twerking in her Amish garb, which upsets a jealous Emma. This causes the cousins to spend much of the evening play wrestling and caressing in ways that I personally avoid with family members. It’s gross, but although they claim they’ve never hooked up, they’ve done the math and confirm that they can.

As the cast notes the hypocrisy of James’ drinking and his PDA with Emma — both of which are not allowed for the Amish — blurry footage is shown of the cousins running around the house late at night, up to some funny business in both the bedroom and the bathroom.