Survivor 50 recap: Coach has a haiku-making meltdown – The aftermath of the blood moon bloodbath on ‘Survivor 50’
Tensions rise before the biggest Tribal Council in franchise history.
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Coach is looking sad
Sitting there in his hammock
The Tide Walker stews
What up, y’all? I’m not sure if you know this about me, but I’m into haiku now! From what I can tell, they’re kinda like sonnets, only less pretentious. Or, wait… is it more pretentious? Honestly. I’m not sure. But they are now totally my jam! Check it out!
The Eilish idol
Callout at Tribal Council
Where art thou Zac Brown?
I could do this all day — just kinda sitting in a corner of the Entertainment Weekly office amusing myself with clever bon mots constructed in a 5-7-5 syllable structure while people look over and worry about my mental health. LET THEM WORRY! Little do they know that these are the kinds of exercises one needs to put oneself through to have even the slimmest chances of becoming one of the Four Horsemen. It’s a very exclusive club! Only four slots available!
My membership hopes were raised when Colby was voted out of Survivor 50, opening up a coveted spot. But then, without any vetting whatsoever, Coach goes and inducts Rizo into the club to fill his spot. What the hell?!? That dude already has Tres Leches, for crying out loud! He also already has the longest nickname in reality TV history. Now that young punk gets to be in the Four Horsemen as well? HE DOESN’T EVEN WANT TO BE IN THE FOUR HORSEMEN! Does this mean he also inherits the Oakbound Warrior nickname? Because this dude already has too many nicknames as it is. Man, this is some serious bulls—.
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This clear slight has me pissed off, which puts me in good company on Survivor 50 this week, with scores of contestants getting annoyed at each other. I wrote in the latest Survivor 50 Mystery Box about how and why returning player seasons can lead to more raw emotions than a typical newbie edition, and we definitely saw that play out.
It all started with Tiffany on night 13 directly after Tribal Council. She was acting calm, cool, and collected to others, but letting it fly in her confessionals — dubbing Jonathan a “lying skank” and proclaiming in between random screams that “I feel like I have fire under my skin right now. I am so furious.”
And she was promising the thing we all as Survivor viewers want to see more than anything else. More Zac Brown? NO! Revenge. “I am about to dance all over their Survivor graves the minute I get the opportunity,” Tiff promised, which leads me to ask: Can someone please get this woman some dancing shoes?
It set the tone for what would turn out to be a delicious episode of Survivor, and that has nothing to do with the Chinese takeout Emily Flippen was shoving into her mouth faster than she could even chew. So with that, let’s recap everything that went down on episode 7 of Survivor 50 before I start getting distracted by haiku again. (By the way, did you know the plural of haiku is…haiku? See, getting distracted already.)
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The curious case of Emily Flippen
Emily told Rick that Coach’s attitude was pissing her off, but Emily has made her own habit of pissing off her own allies this season. It is straight up comical how many times Emily Flippen has completely undermined people she has been playing alongside by being incapable of keeping any information to herself. They seriously should just start inserting a laugh track underneath any scene where she starts spilling state secrets and then her ally has to go and attempt to clean up the mess she created.
And this time, the damage Emily did may have been the straw that broke Dee’s back in the game. While the honor and integrity gang certainly had their sights set on Dee already, there was also a very powerful trio in Cirie, Ozzy, and Rizo in the middle that could have played a pivotal role in potentially swaying the vote. But after Emily informed Rizo that Dee had told him about his idol, that was over. Her season 45 castmate was cooked. And by friendly fire, no less. (WHOOPS!) Emily Flippen continues to be a major person of interest this season.
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Shouldering the pain
Anyone who actually watched Snake in the Grass could tell you two things. 1) Bobby Bones is no Jeff Probst. And 2) Stephenie LaGrossa Kendrick is a terrible liar. The absolute worst. Go ask her. She’ll tell you herself. So the entire Journey this week was worth it just to watch her have to concoct an entire ruse about what happened when the boat took her away.
What really happened was Steph had to essentially hold her arm up in the air for an hour to win a Steal-a-Vote. But if her arm dropped, she lost her vote. But there was some Survivor history at play here, because back on day 1 of Heroes vs. Villains, Stephenie famously dislocated her shoulder. I was a few feet away when it happened and you can check out the raw footage I shot of the injury below.
