Ozzy Lusth says he never assumed he would win Survivor 50. In a surprising admission to TV Insider, he says he was “ready and willing to lose Survivor 50 to the legendary Cirie Fields.”

“Hands down, I would’ve loved to have that opportunity. And I would’ve had a lot of fun,” he says in his exit interview.

Ozzy and Cirie each returned for the fifth time in Survivor 50. After years of rivalry, they patched things up and quickly became each other’s No. 1 allies on the Cila beach. Ozzy clearly strengthened his strategic play this season, but Cirie still proved to be the stronger strategist, often steering him away from bad decisions. But a tribe split and a double elimination in Episode 11 pulled them apart, and Ozzy made what he calls “the biggest blunder in the season so far” while she was gone.

Ozzy carried an immunity idol for the entire season. He handed his extra vote to Cirie to lock in their bond, and the two joined forces with Rizo Velovic to strengthen their numbers. Ozzy and Rizo shared the same beach after the tribe split in Episode 11, but Ozzy made a solo move when he told Aubry Bracco everything about his endgame plans. He believed Aubry’s exit was already locked in.

Telling Aubry his plans in the name of early jury management was mistake number one. Mistake number two was refusing to play his immunity idol at tribal council, even after a dream the night before warned him he needed to use it to save himself.

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Below, Ozzy explains why he ignored his instincts, why he opened up to Aubry, how he would have separated his game from Cirie’s if they had reached the final three, and more. He also shares pointed thoughts on Rizo’s gameplay and reveals whether he would return for a sixth round of Survivor.

I really want to start with that tearful moment that you had with Rick Devens earlier in the episode. What did that mean to you to have that moment of connection with him?

Ozzy Lusth: It’s so powerful. Yeah, just being able to open up and be vulnerable in front of millions of people and share a pain that many people go through, whether it’s the problems with their family or their sons and daughters, I think it’s important, and it’s powerful. I wouldn’t change that for the world. The only thing that sucks is that it’s TV, and there’s much more to the story that didn’t get told. And some of the major players in my life, the man who raised me, my dad, I didn’t get a chance to talk about how much he means to me, because I was talking about my lack of relationship with my biological father, and not the man who raised me. So, that’s the thing that it is tough, is when you share these stories, there’s much more usually to the story than gets told.

But the moment with Devens, I’ll carry that with me for my entire life. I had a moment like that with Jonathan [Young] as well, but that didn’t make it to the show. Obviously, there’s just the way that editing goes, and there’s only so much time. But Jonathan and I, we also had a very, very powerful moment hugging and crying it out. I trusted him because of that moment.

Also, Devens is such a fun player to play with. Luckily, he didn’t have a hand in my demise, so maybe I’d feel different about him if he had, but probably not. I mean, I was the one to blame for my exiting the game. I had the power, and I didn’t use it.

Robert Voets / CBS

No, it was this episode. It might’ve been the day before with Devens, but we were just talking about stuff around the campfire, and our relationship with our dads came up, and we both went through it. So, it was really fresh, and it was a chance for me to connect to Jonathan in a way that I hadn’t yet in the game. And so when we had a chance to vote, or we got the tribes split up, I just felt way too comfortable with those guys, Rizo, Joe [Hunter], and Jonathan.

I really, really thought that they could see how dangerous a player Aubry is and that I’m a little more of a known quantity. They know what they’re getting with me. With Aubry, she’s so good. She’s so conniving in the right ways and so smart that I just thought that it was such an obvious vote. And in hindsight, my heart and soul knew that I needed to play that idol, but my brain was doing too many calculations, and it got in the way. I made a decision based off of things that I thought were happening when they weren’t actually.

In those seconds where you had to decide whether you’re going to play your idol or not, what were you thinking, and what was the deciding factor?

Well, the moment we left the beach, and we’re heading to tribal, my gut was telling me to play the idol. Then, in the ensuing hours before we actually start filming and then through tribal, my mind started saying,”All right, well, if you just hold the idol one more time, then you’re going to have a chance to…” I was doing calculations for the next part of the game, and if I played it at the next one, then I was going to be secured in the top four. So, I just got way too ahead of myself when my body and my soul were saying, “Play the idol,” but my mind said, “Nah, just risk it one more day. You got this.”

And the dream that you had even told you to play it. What made you go against it? Was there something you heard in tribal council that made you feel you could be safe?

Yeah. Again, I think that when you make decisions in Survivor, if you’re only using one part of your senses, whether that’s your mind or just your gut, I think you can get into trouble. So, I just got into trouble because I trusted way too much in this sort of calculus that I was doing in my head when that should have just been a gut decision.

Robert Voets / CBS

And at the camp earlier in the day, were there more talks about voting Aubry out than we saw in the episode? And what were those talks like, if so?

Yeah, I guess you don’t see it too much, but Aubry had been on the chopping block time and time again, so I just thought that these guys, and it wasn’t even necessarily coming from me, but from Jonathan and from Joe and from Rizo, that, “Oh, we got to get Aubry out. She is playing in the exact middle. She’s sneaky. She can go from one thing to another to another.” So, it just seemed like such an obvious choice to me. Little did I know that, looking at me, I’m also a very obvious choice. I really blew it by not playing that idol and telling Aubry my plans. If I didn’t tell Aubry my plans, there’s a chance that it wouldn’t have been me, but because I told her my plans and didn’t play the idol, huge mistake, huge mistake.

I’m sure everyone’s asking you this today, but why did you tell her? What was the thought process behind it?

Well, yes, just strictly for that jury management. And obviously, I know that she’s going to go and tell other people, but sooner or later, everyone’s going to find out who you’re working with and how you’re working with them. So, I just thought I was going to get ahead of it because we were going to go back. If I had survived, we were going to go back to camp, be together, and everyone would’ve found out that I had given Cirie an extra vote. Everyone was going to know about Cirie and Rizo, and I’s alliance. Anyways, it was just a chance for me to get ahead of that. But again, without the follow-through, it looks like the biggest … I mean, it is the biggest blunder in the season so far, in my opinion.

It sounds like you assumed that Cirie was going to play her extra vote in this tribal council. Is that true?

Oh, I knew Cirie was going to play her extra vote. There was no way she was going to be able to survive because I knew that they were going to be coming for her, and that she was going to play her extra vote, and that everyone would find out about our alliance anyway. So, it was just a chance for me to get ahead of it and secure a potential jury vote. By being honest to Aubry in that moment, I thought that I was giving myself this opportunity to speak to her and get her vote for the $2 million.

Robert Voets / CBS

How did it feel watching the episode last night and seeing Rizo do the calculus on whether it was good for his game to join the blindside against you?

I mean, it was hard because I’d had reservations about Rizo for most of the game, but because Cirie vouched for him, it’s like, “All right, I guess Cirie’s seeing something I don’t see, but I don’t trust this guy.” And sure enough, again, sometimes you’ve got to listen to your own intuition, but I’m still learning how to do that. I do think, though, that regardless of who Rizo is going to the end with, [who is] still in the game right now, he’s not winning against anybody. That was my general thought. I don’t think anyone else thinks any differently except for Rizo, the self-proclaimed God.

It reminds me a lot of myself when I was that age, that you think you’re hot sh*t, but in all honesty, he is a very one-dimensional player. And I think that there’s going to have to be a lot of self-reflection when you go back, and you say, “Well, yeah, I played Survivor, but I just sat around camp and talked.” And really, all it is, is him going and having these moments of cutting testimonials, or it’s like tribal council and him going on his interviews, that’s the extent of Rizo’s game. So, I don’t know. I think Rizzo was just a number for Cirie and I, but it came back to bite me for sure.

Where do you and Rizo stand now?

Oh, we’re good. We’re fine. Like I said, I don’t blame him for his move. I think it was shortsighted. I think that he’s now exploded his closest alliance. He’s now vulnerable to distrust. And look, you can jump ship at the end of the game and go with a different alliance, but is it worth it? Do you win the game that way? Do you end up just being a … I don’t know. I don’t want to speak too much about Rizo’s game, but I do think that it’s shortsighted. And I think that when you make an alliance with somebody like Cirie, and then you break it, there’s going to be repercussions.

Robert Voets / CBS

That’s a great question. And in all honesty, I was totally ready and willing to lose Survivor 50 to the legendary Cirie Fields. Hands down, I would’ve loved to have that opportunity. And I would’ve had a lot of fun. It would’ve been great to plead my case against one of the best players to ever play the game. I’m not running away with that game. I don’t think she’s running away with that game.

Hell, people might even throw some votes to Rizo. I could see how Emily [Flippen] or a Christian [Hubicki] or even Coach [Wade] might say, “Rizo played a great game by aligning [with Cirie and Ozzy].” So, I think the three of us sitting at the end together would’ve been absolute beauty, and it would’ve been a very difficult decision for the whole jury. I don’t think I’m running away with that game. I really don’t.

You said, as you were leaving tribal council, that it was hard to describe the feelings you were going through in that moment. Has time helped you put words to them? And do you really think this is the last time you’re ever going to play Survivor?

Oh yeah. Look, still to this day, it’s hard to put words to a moment in time where you see yourself in an out-of-body experience, making the wrong decision. I mean, I’ve been there with lots of different decisions, but never on this magnitude at this level of life-changing moments. So, knowing that I’m the only one to blame for it, knowing that I had all the signs, all the intuition, all the feelings were there, I knew I had to play the idol, but then my mind played a trick on me, and it convinced me that I got to risk it one more day; I got greedy.

As far as playing Survivor again, I mean, I can’t imagine a world where they ask Ozzy to go back and play a sixth time, unless it’s the last Survivor that Jeff [Probst] does, and it’s Season 60, 70, I don’t know. Australian Survivor, though, hey, I would love to go play. Now, Australian Survivor is like the real Survivor because it’s 50-some days, and it’s brutal, and that’s the kind of game that I’d want to play in the future. So hey, Australian Survivor, if you’re listening, call me.

Never say never, right?   

Never say never.

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